A Response to Parents

As promised, I’m writing three responses to the original post called “The Saddest Letter I’ve Ever Read.” I must confess, I’m in shock at the response to this letter—it obviously struck a nerve about which we all have strong feelings. So many comments have included helpful thoughts!

In this second response I want to write primarily to parents, and in the third I will address the young lady who wrote the letter. (Also, there is a lot on this blog already written to parents, if you click on the parenting tag.) Warning—this post is a bit long.

This cannot be exhaustive, but first, I want to address what’s right.

1. If you are a part of a Bible-believing Church and faithfully involving your family there, you are doing the right thing. The local church, in its biblical form (not the current contemporary, seeker-sensitive, CCM version) is still God’s answer for His transforming work in lives. The church is to be the pillar and ground of truth. The church is commanded to preach and teach the Word of God to both the parents and the young people (see Titus 2 and 1 Peter 5).

I was saved at age seven in the ministry of a solid, Bible-believing church that proceeded to train me and my family quite well in how to develop a personal relationship with the Lord, how to walk like a Christian family, and how to balance the personal relationship with spirit-led living that honored that relationship. While there were rules involved—good, biblical, principled rules—we understood from the beginning it was not about rules or external appearances.

The ministries of this church—children’s programs, youth ministry, soulwinning, outreach, and special events all contributed to our family life and spiritual growth, and yet it was up to my parents to keep that in balance. Thankfully they did. The local church, in its biblical form, still works quite well. I experienced it as a child, and I’m watching it all around me as a pastor.

2. Church programs, Christian schools, and youth groups are a help when done biblically and in balance. Again, building on my first point, I don’t believe the local church (in principle) is the problem. There are certainly a lot of churches that are taking the wrong path, and a lot of programs that are more carnal than spiritual in nature. But in the right local church, the youth program is family focused—building both parents and teens. The youth program is not built or designed to divide the family but to help strengthen it. The Christian school is the same. I’m not saying that all models function this way, but when they are done right, these things help the whole family.

For my 21 years in youth ministry, I’ve been as focused on the parents as I have on the teens—sometimes more so. My constant battle is Malachi 4:6—trying to turn the hearts of the children and the fathers toward each other. I truly thank the Lord for families, like the family of the young lady who wrote the letter, who are committed to the Lord and the local church. One day, she will look back and be eternally grateful for the right things they did—even though at the moment she is burdened about the short comings.

If, as in some families, the programs and the activities rob family time, that is not the fault of the ministry. Every parent is responsible for setting their own family schedule, and sometimes Christian parents just need to say, “You’re not going to that youth activity.” Yes, this is a youth pastor writing this. I would much rather our teens stay home for a family night than come to a youth activity. (So long as family night is more than mindless TV or movies.)

So, while everybody’s experiences are slightly different, I’m dead set against pointing the finger at God’s institutions as though they are biblically flawed. Parents, find a Bible-believing church that practices God’s Word appropriately and keep your family well-grounded there.

Second, let’s discuss where we tend to lose our way, as parents. This is written with a humble spirit, because as a parent I have found myself doing all of these things at times. I’m not the expert—just a dad trying to get it right like you are.

1. We get too busy. In today’s culture, this is HUGE! From work, to more work, to sports, to internet, to other obligations, we just let events and opportunities rule our lives. Like a big dog walking a small child, we get dragged around by the agenda, and we fail to spend authentic, heart-to-heart time with our kids. The older they get, the easier it is, because they get busy too! Teenagers have sports practices, music lessons, activities, school trips, homework, projects, work, and on and on the list goes.

Successful families own this challenge and face it head on—they don’t let life run over their family. I wrote about this in Hook, Line and Sinker. They make sure, on a weekly basis, that they are getting family time and one-on-one time. Dad, you need one-on-one time with your kids every week—or nearly so. You need a whole family night minimally a couple nights a week or more. You need conversations over dinner, laughter, and uninterrupted time together.

Perhaps most importantly, you need to pray with every child, individually, at their bedside, every night. We have done this with our kids since they were infants, and I know of nothing that keeps a parent and child’s hearts knit so well as prayer before bed. Express love for them, remind them of how thankful you are for them, and pour your heart out to God for them. If you are just starting this, it will seem awkward, but work through that. The rewards are too great. Parents whom I have counseled on this and who have taken my advice have seen radical transformation in their relationship very quickly.

Every so often, take a day off—no homework, no school—just get away together. Just you and your child go do something highly relationship oriented. Take a drive, go to a park, take a long walk, toss a football, enjoy being together. Once a year, take a whole day with each one of your children, alone. Just Dad and son, or Dad and daughter. Make it happen. You will never forget it and neither will they! An occasional line around our home when homework and family time conflict is simply this— “Take a demerit… no homework tonight, it’s family night.” A teacher may not always understand that, but in the end the teacher has a better student so everybody wins!

Don’t let busyness eat up your family life. If they will ever have a relationship with your God, it must begin with you!

2. We don’t know enough and we get intimidated. Let’s face it, we as parents do struggle with knowing how to parent. What do we teach? What do we talk about? How do we respond to our kids questions, trials, struggles? How do we help them become comfortable opening up to us and sharing their struggles, and how do we help them if they do? Generally, we know when we fall short and don’t have the right information, and that scares us frozen. Instead of dealing with the situations, we ignore the problems because we don’t quite know what to do.

First, I want to say, you know more than you think you do. You know how to pray, how to love, how to encourage, how to empathize. You know how to seek the Holy Spirit and ask God for wisdom—and He’s promised to answer that prayer. He will guide you in those moments and help you say the right things. A part of it is just stepping up with courage and trusting God to help you.

But second, I challenge you to become a student of biblical parenting. When is the last time you read a Christian book on parenting? When is the last time you listened to a CD set of messages or took a class on parenting teenagers? As parents we should become constant students—growing and discovering the biblical principles at play in parenting. They are not rocket science. It just takes time, study, and commitment.

I believe the same goes for youth workers. When a youth pastor asks me for a good book on student ministry, I always refer him to parenting books and challenge him to help parents as well as young people. When parents come to me for counsel, I give them parenting books and talk them through specific steps of principled parenting. Be a learner and a growing parent.

3. We find it hard to swallow our pride. Nobody knows our struggles as well as our kids. They see us at our worst. And sometimes, we as parents find it hard to make things right when we blow it. An authentic relationship, and a Christ-like model begins with humility. A humble parent is willing to own mistakes, ask forgiveness, and make relationships right. Many families carry a constant weight of unresolved conflict and past offenses—they were never dealt with or made right—so they just sit there like dead weight, dividing the hearts and burdening the relationship.

Parent, if we want our children to have the right relationship with Christ, we must model it through sincere, transparent humility. When you do wrong, and your kids see it or know about it, deal with it. When you offend your child or fly off the handle inappropriately, sit down and ask forgiveness and make it right. Prideful parenting is hypocritical. It shuts a child’s heart to the things of God. Duplicity is death for sincere Christian living.

Have you ever had an open conversation with your child when you ask, “How can I be a better parent? How have I offended you? How have I hurt you? Do you have enough time with me? Is there a struggle that I can help you with right now? Do you feel close to me, and if not, why not? What can I do to make it right?”

These are difficult conversations to have, and sometimes they take hours—but they are part of growing in Christ as a Christian family. It may take some time for your child to open up, and it must be a non-threatening atmosphere for that to happen—but it will change your relationship dramatically.

4. We do tend to focus on externals and behavior. In our busyness and rush through life, it is easy to get the idea that if everything looks good, it is good. Then our kids start to figure out how to “play the game.” “If I look good, then everybody is happy with me and will stay off my back.” It’s a natural drift more than an intentional shift of focus. It just happens over time because life is busy. But this is where Satan takes his advantage in the heart.

In parenting we must constantly ask ourselves, how is the heart? How is MY heart for the Lord? How are my children’s hearts for the Lord? Am I training and nurturing their hearts? Are biblical principles finding their way to the heart? Is my child’s heart for God and love for God developing? We must trace everything back to the heart. We must ask of every behavior—what heart attitude or condition is driving this?

5. We get tired or weary. Sometimes we’re just tired and we get lazy. After a long day, we want to come home and collapse, and it’s right about then that our most important work should be starting. Sometimes we’re just not up for a late-night discussion with our teenager—especially a stressful one. We throw up our hands in despair, walk away, and seemingly say, “Deal with it on your own, I’m too tired…”

This is the worst possible thing we could do. Successful parents pay the price. They make the sacrifice. They go the extra mile. The will stay up as late as necessary, rearrange whatever is needed, take time off work, skip a meal, or make major changes in life to facilitate the need of a child. That speaks loudly to your teenager! The love exchanged in such tense moments says, “I’m so committed to you, I will do whatever I have to do to make this right and help you through this.” That’s Christ-like love and it touches the heart deeply.

6. We sometimes believe that providing the right atmosphere makes up for our failures. Good atmospheres like church and school and youth group are wonderful and biblical, but they are secondary to the home. They can really only complement or assist with what you are putting in place first. There is a strong tendency in today’s Christian home to deflect spiritual responsibility onto an organization. Many parents feel that their responsibility is to provide food, shelter, education, and basic needs—and the spiritual stuff is the responsibility of the spiritual environments (church, school, youth group). This is a wrong way of thinking.

Parents, you cannot, in any way, abdicate your spiritual responsibility and hand it off to another. The church, school, and youth group can help. We can reinforce and support and strengthen what you are doing, but we cannot replace what you are not doing. Children gain their understanding of a relationship with God primarily from their parents. They learn principles of Christian living and their basic understanding of the Christian life from their home. If the home is not in agreement with the church and youth group, then we are conducting an exercise of confusion and hypocrisy in their lives that will eventually blow up in our face when they walk away from it all.

7. We must model an authentic relationship with Christ. Our kids don’t expect us to be perfect—just real. If your children see you in love with Jesus, walking with Him, knowing Him, growing in His grace, and honoring Him—and then they experience that love flowing toward them from you—they too will most likely fall in love with Him. It’s really that simple. Too many parents over use their authoritarian, harsh tones, and forceful control of behavior—to the neglect of Christ-like love and genuine heart connectedness.

Don’t misunderstand. Every parent must exercise authority. But a parent-child relationship shouldn’t be characterized by the constant presence of overbearing authoritarianism. In a Christ-like home, that shouldn’t be necessary. The love of Christ should be the overriding, presiding presence in your family life, and it should flow from your genuine walk with Christ as a parent. The hearts of our kids blossom and come to life in the light of such a relationship. Home life in this sort of Christian home is a taste of Heaven—certainly not perfect or conflict free, but at least healthy and whole.

8. We must genuinely enjoy our kids and help them genuinely enjoy their Heavenly Father. Sometimes I want to ask parents, “When did you stop liking your kids?” It’s almost as if some parents find every way imaginable not to spend time together as a family and not to enjoy their children. People use to warn us when our kids were small, “Wait til they become teenagers!” Their tone was filled with dread. To this day, I honestly don’t know what they meant. Our family life and relationships have become more sweet and close, and much more enjoyable as our kids have grown through their teen years—not to mention less work because they can now help with household duties! They’ve become our best friends!

Family life in a Christian home should be close, loving, funny, enjoyable, memorable, and something a young person craves! It’s not natural for a teen to never want to be at home, or always locked in their room, or never wanting to be around Mom and Dad. It may be common. Hollywood may promote this as the norm. But it’s not what God designed or intended. I believe I can speak for my whole family—when we get busy and don’t get time together, we genuinely miss it. All of us.

Families that play together stay together. I love that! It’s true. As a parent, you must plan the play time. Get creative and recapture the heart of your child. Laugh together. Laugh at each other. Hey, I’ve got cancer—and believe it or not, we even laugh at that some times, especially my bald head.

This post is much too long, and insufficient to the discussion, but if nothing else, let it place you on a search—a growing curve of researching and grasping balanced, biblical parenting with the assistance of a solid, Bible-believing, local church and pastor who can greatly help.

Parent—the letter the young lady wrote was a heart cry for parental connection—heart connection. It’s the desire and desperate need of every young person. Stay focused on the heart. Forever be in pursuit of your child’s heart, just as your heart should forever be in pursuit of God.

As you pursue God with your whole heart, and pursue your child with your whole heart—most likely the two will meet!

A couple of weeks ago, I reposted "Saddest Letter I've ever read" from Cary Schmidt's blog.  He responded to the letter and I wanted to, again, repost his responses.  

Wow! The “Saddest Letter” post provoked a lot of interesting discussion! Since I received it a week ago, I too have been pondering my response, and in many ways, those who commented touched on many of the things that have been on my heart. For reasons of length and direction, I think my response will break down into three posts. The first will be a general response to the broader issues. The second, a response to parents and spiritual authorities. The third, a personal response to the young lady who wrote the letter, and to her generation.
As a side note, let me first say, the letter is real. A few people have expressed doubt that perhaps I wrote the letter. I don’t operate that way. I wouldn’t deliberately post a lie on this blog. If I was writing fiction for the sake of illustration, I would just say so. The young lady who wrote the letter gave us her cell phone and we contacted her personally about using her letter. It jolted me as much as it did you.

So on with my general response. I want to draw a few key and critical points from a big picture perspective:

1. The letter and the problems articulated are not about finding blame. I did not read a spirit of blame in this letter, so much as a sincere and honest cry for help. She acknowledged imbalances that she experienced growing up, sensed that others experience the same, and simply asked that someone try to address these imbalances. Nobody grows up in a perfect home, and yes everybody is ultimately responsible for making their own spiritual choices—but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t address these patterns of imbalance that are prevalent in many homes.

2. The problems described in her letter are universal—they are present in every group, not just one or two. This is not a set of problems that flow from a certain type of church or home. They are foundational problems that could be present in any home. Neglectful parents, fragmented families, and bitter children are the norm for our culture and society. It’s impossible to point at any particular brand of Christianity and say, “That’s the source!”

3. There truly are some fantastic resources for parents and families that address the very problems this young lady described. And I believe there is a growing generation of parents (one which this young lady will probably soon be a part of) that desperately want to fight these problems biblically and with godly compassion. The two books that come to mind that every parents should read multiple times are both written by Tedd Tripp—Shepherding a Child’s Heart and Instructing a Child’s Heart. These books excellently detail a biblical approach to parenting that will resolve the problems described in the letter.

4. Rules are not the problem, lack of relationship is the problem. (I’m talking about biblical, well principled rules.) I’ve often seen families and teens toss aside all “rules” under the guise of “legalism”—a word often misused and misunderstood. Tossing rules aside doesn’t help. But I agree strongly that the presence of rules without a strong relationship simply breeds rebellion. Any strong relationship will have boundaries. It’s that simple. My marriage, to be strong, must have boundaries. The boundaries are not standards of legalism, they are merely rules of conduct that protect the relationship. If I love the relationship—the person—there are certain things I will do and will not do—if only to PLEASE the other person. Such is our relationship with God. The behavior, the “faith in action,” along with the rules, should flow from a heart that is deeply in love and close to Him. Loving Him is the only real and lasting motivation for living a godly lifestyle. And the Bible is very clear about God’s desire for us to live godly lives—holy, distinct, separated from the world. But those “rules” or “standards” or “boundaries” are designed not to create mere performance or outward appearance, they are to flow from and facilitate a continued strong personal relationship with the Lord.
I recently taught our senior high an entire lesson on this entitled “Avoiding the Trap of Impersonal Christianity”—the point being that God would rather us put away all of our religiosity if our hearts are far from Him. He desires our hearts first, and then our lifestyle to reflect that heart. In practicality, my own children don’t have a problem with my rules as long as my heart is closely knit to theirs and as long as I am directing their hearts to the Lord. (This lesson will probably post soon on our SM127 podcast on iTunes.)
5. Everybody writes from their own paradigm. I noticed in the comments we all had pretty strong opinions about various aspects of her letter. Some are of the opinion that every church (of a certain type) is this way, or most families (of certain affiliations) are this way. It’s impossible to throw that large of a blanket over Christendom or any one segment of Christianity. For instance, I grew up in several churches. One was well balanced in these matters and trained my parents and me to put relationships first. We did, and as a new Christian family we were greatly helped. One church was exactly the opposite—total surface, appearance driven, and very political in nature. Everything was about externals—if you looked good and conformed well, that’s all that mattered. The vast majority of young people from that church have wandered away from God in their adult years, many into very deep sin. My present church is the one I have served in for 21 years.
Philosophically, we have done our best to be balanced and biblically focused on relationships, but also keep the restraint right by setting the right boundaries. I’m sure we have failed at times. But, we have seen, on average, about 80% of our young people stay faithful to God into their adult years. That’s not good enough, but we are doing our best to fight the battle biblically. Point being, don’t allow your narrow paradigm to cause you to paint with a broad brush over any one segment of Christianity. For instance, if everybody you know is doing it wrong, that doesn’t represent the whole.

6. There are  a lot of churches and homes doing it right. Through our teen-parent meetings, family counseling, and fellowship at Lancaster Baptist, it has been my joy to get to know hundreds, perhaps thousands, of parents and families over the years. In addition to this, I’ve been exposed to hundreds of churches and pastors through our ministry, and I want to say, there are a lot of people—pastors, parents, youth pastors—who understand this problem, grew up with this problem, and are fighting to break out of and avoid this trend. Some are those who grew up like the young lady who wrote the letter. Others simply came through ministries where they experienced the imbalance. Others grow up with a good model and are perpetuating it. And yet others are simply godly people who have a very biblical focus in life. But I am encouraged with what I see in Bible-believing churches with whom I fellowship. I am encouraged with the families that I see at Lancaster Baptist and the parents who are diligently attempting to get it right.

7. Kids who grow up in the best of environments can still grow up and choose sin, reject God, and experience deep problems. I guess the ultimate proof of this is that people will choose to reject Christ at the end of the millennial reign! Imagine growing up in the millennial reign of Jesus Christ in the perfect world. Even then, Satan will be able to deceive many and mount an army against Christ. At some point it becomes, not a matter of how I grew up, but where I will decide to go in the future and how I will respond to my past.

8. Finally, the problems revealed in the letter are generational in nature. We’re not dealing with new problems. For the most part, today’s neglectful and disconnected parents are children of the same, and often their grandparents are too. Satan has been hard at work on the American family for many generations. It’s been a long time since healthy families were the norm. It’s been a long time since many people have seen a good model of family life—especially a biblical one.
For instance, just last week I had an appointment with a father who has never talked to his teenage son about sexual matters—this is true of most fathers (and grandfathers). He was asking for help in how to do so. He said his father had never talked to him and he was unsure of how to approach this. I was happy to help, but reminded again of the failure of past generations. I can’t imagine a more important subject for a father and teen son to have a continual and close connection on, but so few actually do.
Many parents have just never seen a good model and never been taught the biblical principles, but I find that Christian parents are hungry to help. That encourages me!

Many of you have seen this post going around on Facebook.  I wanted to repost it here on our blog because it is a very convicting, yet true post.  I often think about this very thing as we raise our, now, 8 year old son.  Are we only focusing on behavior or are we teaching him to Love God?  The examples that we have seen through out the years of how Christian parents raise their kids are exactly what is explained below.  As parents we try to make sure are kids are in the right places (church, Sunday School), doing the right things (family devotions, acts of service, VBS, Camps), saying the right words (Christian Lingo), etc.  None of these things, of course, are wrong.  However, we forget the most important thing sometimes and that is teaching our kids how to love God.  Jesus put it simply in Revelation chapter 2 as he spoke about the church at Ephesus.  He commended and praised them for their service, their doctrine, their ability to spot false prophets and reject false doctrines.  He had so many good things to say about them.  They were the epitome of what a Christian should be.  Their "behavior" was spot on.  However He told them that He had something against them.  They had left their first love.  They had forgotten what it was like when they first trusted in the Savior and fell in love with Him.  Their behavior wasn't motivated by love anymore.  It was mechanical.  Things were done by habit.  It is very dangerous when we get to this place in our lives and when we raise our children teaching them that as long as they are going to church, doing family or personal devotions, acts of service, saying the right words, and "behaving" in the right way, that they are "good Christians."  We must teach our children to love and fear God.  There must come a point where the child decides that this is not a relationship that he/she is living through his/her parents but it is his/her own personal relationship with God.  What a convicting letter!  May the Lord help us to raise our children to love God and be grounded in the Word of God.  Read the article below reposted from "Encouraging Words by Cary Schmidt."

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SADDEST LETTER I'VE EVER READ by Cary Schmidt

I recieved this letter from a young lady last week—a Bible college student who grew up in a Christian home and Christian school. I believe it’s the saddest letter I’ve ever read and right on the mark for so detailing the experiences of so many young Christians. I asked her permission to post it. Please read. Her words will greatly challenge you as a parent or pastor:

Dear Pastor Schmidt,

A few years ago, I read your books Hook, Line, and Sinker, Discover Your Destiny, and Life Quest. I found them to be extremely encouraging and instructive. These books showed me that not only do you have a real heart for young people, but you also understand us well. I am writing to ask you to consider writing a book to our parents and youth workers. Let me explain.

I am a junior at a well-known Christian college. I grew up in highly respected “fundamental independent Baptist” churches, and went to excellent Christian schools. My father has been a Christian worker since before I was born. One would think that my testimony would go something like this:

“I was saved when I was about 5 and I had dedicated my life to God and I have been growing a lot and serving Him and now I’m studying to serve Him full time.” But that isn’t my story. Actually, though I did make a profession of faith when I was very young, I didn’t get saved until I was 17. Since I was 12 and now on into college I have struggled with “serious” issues. And I found out when I went to college that I am not the only “good kid” who is or has struggled with or is still struggling with serious stuff. We struggle with issues like eating disorders, depression and suicide, cutting, pornography, gender identity, homosexuality, drugs, drinking, immorality, and the list could go on. We listen to “wild” music, we idolize pop culture’s heroes, we watch dirty sitcoms. We have no discrimination in our entertainment, dress, or any aspect of our lifestyle. Obviously, I’m generalizing our problems—you would not find that every Christian young person from a conservative background struggles with all of these issues, and praise God, some of us do not struggle with any of these issues.

My point is that the problems that are supposed to be bad kid’s problems belong to us too. Unfortunately, our parents and youth workers don’t know that we struggle with these things and they don’t know what to do with us when they find out. Quite frankly, I believe that if you grabbed the average Christian school teacher or youth worker and asked them, “What would you do if you found out that one of the kids you work with was a homosexual?” they wouldn’t know what to say.

My point is not simply that they don’t know what we struggle with or how to deal with it. I think there is a pretty simple reason why “good” kids struggle with such serious stuff. And that there is a solution. At the risk of being blunt, I’m going to be blunt.

Our parents did not spend time teaching us to love God. Our parents put us in Sunday Schools since K4. Our parents took us to church every time the doors opened, and sent us to every youth activity. They made sure we went to good Christian colleges. They had us sing in the choir, help in the nursery, be ushers, go soulwinning. We did teen devotionals, and prayed over every meal. We did everything right. And they made sure that we did.

But they forgot about our hearts. They forgot that the Bible never commanded the church to teach children about God and His ways. That responsibility was laid at the feet of our fathers. Unfortunately, our fathers don’t have time for us. They put us where we are surrounded by the Bible. But they didn’t take time to show us that God was important enough to them to tell us personally about Him. So to us, Christianity has become a religion of externals. Do all the right stuff, and you’re a good Christian. So, some of us walk away from church. Some of us stay in church and fill a pew. Many of us struggle with stuff that our parents have no idea about because they hardly know us.

I think these problems stem from first, our detachment from our parents, and second from our misunderstandings about the essence of Christianity—a relationship, not a list of rules. I worry that many young people like me are not even saved because of their misunderstandings about Christianity.

I know that this has not been a well articulated treatise, but it comes from my heart. If you are able to help us and our families, we would be so grateful. I realize that probably, there is no way to fix the fact that kids my age are detached from our parents or to straighten out the crazy stuff that we struggle with. The alienation is fixed, the scars are permanent. I know our situation is not hopeless. God is at work in my life and my generation, among those of us who have struggled and are struggling. But maybe our younger siblings can have some help that we never had. Maybe you can write a book for our parents that will grab their attention and help them see that this is serious—that their kids need them, desperately.

I guess I’ve run out of things to say. I must say I’m a little hesitant to share my name with you because that attaches me with my parents, who are, by the way, good people. Thanks for everything you have already done to help Christian teens and their families. I’m eager to see what else God will do through you.

Sincerely,

(Name Removed to Protect Anonymity)

All I could say when I read this letter was, “WOW! She nailed it!” This is the battle I’ve been fighting for twenty one years. I’m planning to write a couple of follow up articles to this letter, but for now, let this insightful young lady’s words sink in, and let God help you evaluate your own parenting and influence.

Are we teaching kids to simply appear and act right? Or are we teaching them to LOVE God and KNOW Him personally?

What are your thoughts?

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I am thankful every day for the men that God has given us in our church. While God loves every one, male and female alike, it is always encouraging to see men with an interest in spiritual things. Why do we get excited about seeing men? In the majority of churches today it is mainly women and children that fill the pews. Somehow we fail to reach men. No matter how our society has inverted the roles of men and women we still believe that God has ordained the man to be the head of the home. Men have been created to lead and to be innovative.No wonder many churches lack leadership and creative ideas; we don’t have any men! I can’t say that we have discovered the key to reaching the male gender but we certainly pray and work towards impacting that sector of our city. In our new church in Parla we have seen men take the initial interest in seeking after God. It’s so amazing to us because we are used to witnessing quite the opposite. These men that have been saved and are growing in the Lord have been able to reach their wives and we are little by little seeing families come together. It’s funny because the men are the most faithful to the church services. 

Not too long ago Carlos (he came as a result of the DVD project) suggested, almost jokingly, that we should start a futbol sala (indoor soccer) team. Immediately, we looked at each other and we said, “why not?” Since then every thursday we have been playing soccer. I must say I really look forward to this time every week. Not only do we get great physical exercise but we are growing as a band of brothers seeking together to be better husbands and fathers. The trip back and forth from the game, fellowshipping at Mcdonalds afterwards, etc… have all be wonderful oportunities for discipleship. Not only that we are meeting new men and building relationships with them. Eduardo, Julio, Stefan, Carlos, Jeffrey, Paco, Rufino, David, we believe that God can and will use these men to capture this city and beyond with the gospel.

Written by: Jeffrey Andrews

#7: Immigrants come for work, but find Christ!

The population of Spain doubled during the twentieth century due to the spectacular demographic boom in the 1960s and early 1970s. The birth rate then plunged by the 1980s, and Spain’s population became stagnant, its demographics showing one of the lowest sub replacement fertility rate (s) in the world, only second to Japan’s.

Spain currently has the second highest immigration rates within the EU, just after Cyprus, and the second highest absolute net migration in the World (after the USA).

According to the Spanish government, there were 4.5 million foreign residents in Spain in 2007; independent estimates put the figure at 4.8 million or 15.1% of total population (Red Cross, World Disasters Report 2006). According to residence permit data for 2007, around 500,000 were Moroccan, another half a million were Ecuadorian and Romanians, 260,000 were Colombian. Other important foreign communities are British (8.09%), French (8.03%), Argentine (6.10%), German (5.58%) and Bolivian (2.63%).

However, there are certain factors that must be taken into consideration with these numbers.

Immigrants from South America can obtain Spanish nationality after residing 2 years in Spain, that is why they stop being counted as immigrants.

Spain automatically grants Spanish nationality to the children of immigrants born in Spain who do not ask for the nationality of origin of their parents, unlike other countries of the EU that do not do it. It is for this reason that although the South-American immigrants of origin are most numerous, the Romanians or the Moroccans surpassed them in the official statistics.

Considering this data, there are many in Spain that affirm the true number of immigrants in Spain is 10-11 million, or about 25% of the total population.

HOW HAS IMMIGRATION AFFECTED OUR CHURCHES?

Instead of giving my personal perspective or statistical research to answer this question, I want to list “real live situations” from a few churches in Spain.  These missionaries are answering the question, “What is the ratio of immigrants to Spaniards in your church and how has immigration affected your ministry?”

Kent Albright, Pastor and Missionary of the Iglesia Evangélica Bautista de Tormes (Evangelical Baptist Church of Tormes) writes, “We have about 20 nationalities in our little church of 80—about 30% Spaniard and half of those from Salamanca.”

Pastor and Missionary, Marvin Robertson, of the Iglesia Bautista Bíblica de Mostoles (Bible Baptist Church of Mostoles) writes, “Our church has been somewhat affected but not overly affected by the most recent wave of immigrants. We have some immigrants that have been here for 20 years or longer along with several that have come in the last five years. Except for the two sisters that I baptized recently, all of our baptisms have been immigrants. Some saved before they came to Spain while others have been saved in Spain.”

Bill Williams who is a Missionary and the Pastor of the Iglesia Bautista de Leganes (Baptist Church of Leganes) one of the larger independent Baptist churches in Spain writes, “Immigration has greatly affected our ministry. If it weren’t for the immigrants, we wouldn’t HAVE a ministry. Displaced persons are always more open to the Gospel, but those who come out of poverty seeking economic gain seem to be even more open as they are in a difficult situation. I would say more than half of the immigrants come from churches in their own country although many are not truly born-again or have definite spiritual-moral issues which are in themselves a full ministry. I fully enjoy our international ministry and would prefer to always have a multi-cultural ministry instead of the normal state-side single culture. It certainly makes things more interesting. It has given us an insight on the differences in cultures and the effect that governments and economic situations have on the character and temperament of cultures.”

Every day, an immigrant will try to enter Spain and pass through the invisible door that he/she believes will lead to a better way of life and a more comfortable economic situation.  This kind of opportunity, for the immigrant, is one that compels them to leave everything behind, even children, in search of financial gain.  However, although many have come to Spain looking for money, in turn they have found forgiveness of sins and eternal life through repentance and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.  God has commanded us to go into all the world, but here in Spain, much of the world has come to us.

#6: Spain is a culturally and linguistically diverse country

Culture: Cultural groups, but not properly distinct ethnic groups, include the Castilians of central Spain, the Asturians and the Basques of Vizcaya, Álava, Guipúzcoa, and (in part) Navarra provinces in the north, the Catalans of Catalonia, the Galicians of the far northwest, and the Andalusians of the south.

The Basques, Galicians, and Catalans consider themselves separate nations within Spain; they enjoy considerable cultural, economic, and political autonomy. Estimates of the Gypsy population range from 50,000 to 450,000.

Language: If you think that Spanish or Castilian is the language of Spain, you’re only partially right.

True, Spanish is the national language and the only language you can use if you want to be understood almost everywhere. But Spain also has three other officially recognized languages, and language use continues to be a hot political issue in parts of the country. In fact, about a fourth of the country’s residents use a tongue other than Spanish as their first language. Here is a brief look at those languages:

Euskara: Euskara is easily the most unusual language of Spain — and an unusual language for Europe as well, since it doesn’t fit in the Indo-European family of languages that includes Spanish as well as French, English and the other Romance and Germanic languages.

Euskara is the language spoken by the Basque people, an ethnic group in both Spain and France that has its own identity as well as separatist sentiments on both sides of the Franco-Spanish border. (Euskara has no legal recognition in France, where far fewer people speak it). About 600,000 speak Euskara, sometimes known as Basque, as a first language.

What makes Euskara linguistically interesting is that it has not been shown conclusively to be related to any other language. Some of its characteristics include three classes of quantity (single, plural and indefinite), numerous declinations, positional nouns, regular spelling, a relative lack of irregular verbs, no gender, and pluri-personal verbs. The fact that Euskara is an ergative language (a linguistic term involving cases of nouns and their relations to verbs) has caused some linguists to think that Euskara my have come from the Caucasus region, although the relationship with languages of that area hasn’t been demonstrated. In any case, it is likely that Euskara, or least the language it developed from, has been in the area for thousands of years, and at one time it was spoken in a much larger region.

Catalan: Catalan is spoken not only in Spain, but also in parts of Andorra (where it is the national language), France and Sardinia in Italy.

Catalan looks something like a cross between Spanish and French, although it is a major language in its own right and, some say, may be more similar to Italian than it is to Spanish. Its alphabet is similar to that of English, although it also includes a Ç. Vowels can take both grave and acute accents (as in à and á, respectively). Conjugation is quite similar to Spanish’s.

About 4 million people use Catalan as a first language, with about that many also speaking it as a second language.

Galician: Galician has strong similarities to Portuguese, especially in vocabulary and syntax. It developed along with Portuguese until the 14th century, when a split developed, largely for political reasons. For the native Galician speaker, Portuguese is about 85 percent intelligible.

About 4 million people speak Galician, 3 million of them in Spain, the rest in Portugal with a few communities in Latin America.

Miscellaneous languages: Scattered throughout Spain are a variety of smaller ethnic groups with their own languages, most of them Latin derivatives. Among them are Aragonese, Asturian, Caló, Valencian (usually considered a dialect of Catalan), Extremaduran, Gascon and Occitan.

Sample vocabularies

Euskara: kaixo (hello), eskerrik asko (thank you), bai (yes), ez (no), etxe (house), esnea (milk), bat (one), jatetxea (restaurant)

Catalan: sí (yes), si us plau (please), què tal? (how are you?), cantar (to sing), cotxe (car),l’home (the man), llengua, llengo (language), mitjanit (midnight)

Galician: polo (chicken), día (day), ovo (egg), amar (love), si (yes), nom (no), ola (hello),amigo/amiga (friend), cuarto de baño, baño (bathroom), comida (food)

I think the overwhelming answer to this question would be an emphatic YES!  

“For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” - Hebrews 4:12

“So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.” - Isaiah 55:11

God’s Word is what truly has the power to change people’s lives and bring them back to Him.  

So the next question is, “How will they get the Word of God?”  

We are half way through our current project, which is the DVD project, and we are gearing up for the next one that we would like to do.  If you read our ministry philosophy, you know that we have several goals that we want to accomplish here in Spain.  One of those goals is evangelizing our city every year or more if possible.  Evangelizing our city doesn’t mean that everyone will come to Christ.  It simply means that at least once a year, we are planning on giving everyone in our city a chance to hear the Gospel message.  You see, we understand that not every person will watch the Gospel DVD.  Some people won’t have DVD players.  Some people will get the DVD and leave sitting on their desk and never watch it.  Some people will simply throw it away with the other trash.  We understand that.  And that is the reason why we won’t stop after the DVD project is completed.  We will continue to saturate our city with the Gospel year after year.  

So our next project is going to be, Lord willing, “A Bible in Every Home.”  We are planning to put the Word of God in every household in our city.  We are very excited about this.  The best thing we can do is get the people the Word of God.  

So how are we going to do this?  This is where we need your help.  I have contacted several Bible printing ministries already and have gotten a response from one of them.  If you know of anyone that prints the Bible to give in mass quantities, could you please put them in contact with our ministry?  That would be a big help.  We are looking for the New Testament or John and Romans.  We will need 50,000 copies.  We have a container that will be shipped at the end of November so we have the means to get the Bibles here.  You can email us at andrews@thatallmayknow.net if you have any information.  

Pray with us as we endeavor to get the Word of God into every home in our city and that the people will see the truth of God’s Word.  

This is a question that could be discussed for days with many different opinions and suggestions.  However, instead of throwing out my assessment of what our generation thinks about God, I simply want to share an experience that I had the other day.  

Saturday morning I ventured out to look at something that someone was selling on segundamano.es.  Segunda mano means “Second hand” and the website is just like Craig’s List, but in Spain.  You can find some great deals on segundamano.es for things that normally cost much more.  

Alvaro was his name and I arrived at his house around 10:30am.  He was very friendly so we talked for a little bit before I inspected the product I wanted to buy.  In his ad, he listed that he was moving so I asked him where he was moving to and he told me Irun.  Irun is in the northern part of Spain in the Basque region.  I told him I knew some people up there and he asked me what they did.  I told him they were pastors of churches and he said, “Interesting.”  So we discussed a little of why he is moving and he told me because the crisis here has killed his business and so he is moving up there to start an American Restaurant named Foster’s Hollywood.  Foster’s Hollywood is an American restaurant that is very popular here in Spain. They serve on average around 5,000 people every week.  The interesting fact is that Foster’s Hollywood wasn’t started in the USA. It was actually started by 3 Americans who lived here in Madrid.  I believe they just recently opened a Foster’s Hollywood in Tampa, the first ever in the USA.  

We continued talking and he asked what I did.  I told him I was starting a church in the southern part of Madrid.  He immediately said, “well that is great, but I am just not a very religious person.”  

As I was getting ready to leave, he told me, “You know, my father was a religious man but I just lost my faith.  I lost my faith in the people and the institutions.”  I explained to him that it is easy to do.  If we keep our eyes on imperfect man, we will eventually be disappointed.  But if we keep our eyes on the perfect Christ, we will see the truth.  The next thing that he said to me is what defines our generation and what our generation thinks about God and spiritual things.  He said, “You know, I just never understood.  I love my girlfriend and I love to sleep with her.  I don’t plan on getting married so what is wrong with sleeping with my girlfriend?”  I basically told him that the real problem isn’t what we can and can’t do.  The real problem is that we are sinners before God, separated from Him and we need His forgiveness.  Some people will accept this and some people won’t.  After that, he just kind of looked at me with a big smile like I was crazy.  :)  

I walked out of there thinking how sad it was that he would rather fulfill his personal desires and satisfactions then to have a relationship with the one true Creator and God.  Unfortunately this is the generation in which we are dealing with.  It is not just the Spaniards, but all over the world.  It is the basic premise of why millions upon millions throughout history have hesitated to come to Christ.  They would rather fulfill there own desires then enter into a relationship with our Holy God.  May we pray for the current generation here and all over the world that they may put their personal desires in check and turn to the one true Savior, Jesus Christ.  

Written by: David Velasquez

#5: Spain has officially legalized abortion

On February 24, 2010 the Spanish parliament, in its majority run by the liberal socialist party, approved a bill that makes it much easier to get an abortion in Spain. Since 1985 the country had allowed abortions but only in the case of rape or when the mother or the child’s health was at risk.

Even though the new law does not go as far as many other countries in allowing partial birth abortions; it does give women the legal right to get an abortion through the first 14 weeks of pregnancy. This is the first time in the history of Spain that abortions are legal for any reason.

In the past decade under strict limitations yearly abortions had gone from nearly 50,000 to over 100,000. It is scary to imagine how drastically those numbers will increase under this new law. Thankfully in Spain there is a sector of the population that is staunchly opposed to the new law. In October of last year over 1 million people marched down a major Madrid boulevard with the slogan “Every Life Matters.”

The reason that this news is so important for Christians is because obviously the religion that has dominated Spain for centuries (the Catholic Church) has offered no true change or moral compass to its citizens.

You would think that a country that claims, for the most part, to be Catholic would adhere to God’s clear commands. The truth is that the Catholic Church has left people disillusioned with God and His word because they have not proclaimed the true gospel.

Most Spaniards equate God with the Catholic Church and since Catholicism has done nothing for them then God must be a lie. This has caused many to turn from belief in God to atheism, agnosticism and humanism. In a country that used to be 98% Catholic only 73% of Spaniards today self-identify as Catholics (only 15% are faithful to church), 2% claim another faith (that would include every belief under the sun), and 22% identify with no religion.

We are not on a mission to externally reform Spain, but we do realize that as the true gospel of hope and peace is preached those that are saved will become a new creation in Christ. This regeneration will allow them to understand and obey God’s Word. They will only understand the love of God after His grace and mercy has been poured out in their lives. And as they begin to grow spiritually they will truly understand that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” in God’s image.

Yes, it is sad that Spain has passed such a horrific law, but all that tells me is that they are sinners and in need of a Saviour. Please pray that this law would be repealed, but more importantly that a true spiritual revival would sweep across the nation. Pray for the missionaries that are preparing to go to Spain as well as for those that are currently on the field that we would make an impact for His honor and glory.